Reminiscing

Reminiscing  with a friend yesterday about change and how and why people change, brought a conversation about my life when we lived in New Mexico and all that i/we were going though at the  short time we lived there.  I look back at the type of person i was then verse the person  i am now. I know i use to share a lot and depend on people a lot, complained a lot etc.   Until i had a conversation with a friend who saw me as weak, to depended and always negative etc etc.  I took that conversation  to heart. I actually cried a lot during that conversation that night.  I  can honestly say from that conversation i am no longer dependent on people. I don't ask for help,  i am closed off and i don't put myself out there as much as i use to. I have become self dependent and self reliant and everything else that goes in that category. I know i also  don't let myself get to close to people like i use to.

So i am not really sure with all  that took place that night was a good thing or a bad thing, but i do know it shaped me into the person i am now. There for i  leave with a quote from the famous
Maya Angelou.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

4 1/2 years later.

After i rediscovered my blog today,  i reread my two post and  it's amazing how much i can say my life has really changed in 4 1/2  years since i have wrote those.   I can't even begin to say how much different things in my life.  For one, i am 4 1/2  years older lol.  My kids are older which is hard, because in a few short years they will be gone from my house and on to wonderful lives of their own.  But for now i will hold them as close as i can for as long as i can.

I am still as busy as ever, it seems like more so now that my kids are older  and into sports, dance, etc.  We have moved and my husband left for a 1 year deployment to Korea. Boy is that ever hard, but thankfully we are half way though it. I sure can't wait until he is home for good and we can get back to a normal life.

Best of all i have a handful of  really great amazing  friends in my life that God has truly blessed me with.  I mean i have always have had some really great friends in my life who have came and gone  and in all different seasons of my life,  sometimes for short periods,  sometimes long periods, some who are still in my life and forever will be.  I have friends who i can truly count on no matter what  situation should arise.  Now do i still long for that one really great once in a lifetime  friend who i feel so  close to,  who i can laugh hysterically with, cry with, one who get's me, and i get her and we feel more like family then friends!  absolutely. Will i ever have that friend in my lifetime i have no idea.  I do know for a fact since my post in 2011 that i have friends that care deeply about me and love me for me.

Rediscovering my blog

WOW!   I can't believe i forgot that i had a blog, or at least started a blog.  Maybe i thought i wasn't that good at it so i quit. I don't know i can't really say.  All that i know is that i am kind of glad that i did find it, but the way i found it is ironic.  Here's how i found it.

Today i rediscovered  my blog link in an old FB message while trying to reconnect with an old friend that was on my mind the last few days.  So you try to reach out to them though the wonderful world of FB,   you end up  finding  old messages between you and them,  messages that you thought you deleted, or  ended up getting deleted when they deleted as their  friend.  It's amazing that you can go back into an old FB messages and reread your  old conversations between the two of you.

It's been 4 years since I've talked to this friend, and i am not sure why she has been in my thoughts and on my heart lately, but i when with my heart and tried to reach out to her to let her know that she had been placed on my heart and that i have been thinking of her.  With the wonderful world of the ever changing  FB you now can see if someone reads your messages so i know she has read it, now if she responds it's totally up to her, i won't force anyone to be my friend or in my life for that matter, but my heart is always open and will welcome anyone back into my life. I am the most forgiving person and care deeply for people, sometimes to much that i get emotionally hurt more times than i can count.  As for now i will leave it as it is. She knows that i was thinking of her and that i am still alive. My life will go on if she chooses not to respond, i will continue to be who i am and love the ones that i do have in my life right now and choose to be in my life.

It's been awhile!!

So it has been awhile since i last sat down and blogged!! so much has been going on that just keeps me busy!! And i thought i would have all this time to do what i wanted once i had all the kids in school and now that i am done with school!! BUT i don't!! or maybe i waste most of my time doing things i shouldn't be doing!! like on FB most of the day!! when i should be doing housework or what not!! BUT that is so boring to me.. Once upon a time it was fun i loved keeping my house in tip top shape, no dishes in the sink, no laundry to be done, no nothing!! i always kept a nice house just in case i had company!! BUT i never had company, no one to just drop by to have coffee or shoot the breeze!! even to this day i don't get company, no one pops by just to say hi!!! Don't get me wrong i do clean my house LOL! I guess what i am trying to say is!! I miss having friends!!! really great friends that i have not had in a long time, i long for the days when my life will be filled with great friends again!! friends to go have lunch with, friends to go have spa days with, friends to go on mini vacations with.. I once had a really great group of friends, more friends than i ever had in my life and they were great friends even though i was not a great one to them in the beginning but i had a great change of attitude thanks to one of them friends that i still talk to, to this day even though she is far away! but the other ones not so much, and that is painful i miss them girls but i sit here and wonder if they miss me as much as i miss them. I have tried my hardest to reach out to them and i get nothing back and it leaves me so empty inside will i ever have friends!! am i meant to have real friends or am i meant to go though the rest of my life friendless!! i wish i knew.

Taking a stab at this

I never have started a blog before, i have always wanted to but thought why would anyone care what i have to blog about!! i am boring, nothing really exciting goes on in my life i am just an average person living an average life. I have not won the lotto nor do i plan to. I am no one famous, and i can't carry a tune if my life deepened on it. I have never written a book!! i have wanted to but never seemed to follow though with it. I can dream up these great stories but have never but them to paper, or now days in a word document. And if i did would my books ever be published and would they ever sell?
Sometimes i feel like i am just here in this world with everything going by me as fast as it can and i am just standing in the middle watching it all go by and no one can see me or hear me scream to the top of my lungs.
Sometimes i wonder why am i really even here, what is my purpose in life, what is my destiny?
I know that GOD does have a plan for me and my life, but what is it? What is it that i am meant to be doing with this life that GOD gave me? I know i am not just here to take up space on this earth i was created for his purpose and to do great things. But so far i feel like i have not done anything worthy enough.
I hope my rambling thoughts are not to boring, and that i actually can do this blog i guess i will find out the more i try to write my thoughts down as they come pouring out of my head.